"EXPERIENCED AMATEUR"
The term “experienced amateur” sounds hella cool that feels like it could beat someone who is called an “unqualified professional”. An experienced Amateur sounds like someone who trusts his own eye, yet the person doesn’t complicate himself on how to execute a certain action. A lack of knowledge yet he knows what message he’s trying to send. Unapologetic Amateurism. Going for the smart way instead of the hard. But at some point, if enough time has been poured in the game, that skin of the experienced amateur starts to shed.
"THEY SCARED TO BE THEY SELF" said Gabriel Moses. Powerful words that today’s generation must hear.
Met Léopold in one of the classes that I enrolled at the faculty. Liked his style. Dude showed up casual, confident. He is also a photographer and he recently started to do modelling so why not give him the spotlight through my lens. We got to chat and decided later on to collaborate on a lite photo project right in front of a building that had these beautiful deep-blue brick walls in the south ends of Paris' outskirts, Choisy-Le-Roi. Special mention to Jeune Morty.
Brought my film camera and my iPhone for this shooting. I started to do some photo drafts on RAW with the iPhone. Turns out I was already picking the good angles and felt like I could use it as the main foundation of this project. During the editing process, I just accentuated the colors, specially the deep-blue brick walls to give a better contrast. The creative direction in color grading kept branching out, exploring different looks, different moods. All it took was a good idea. Really felt like I was creative directing for the first time. Putting myself on uncomfortable situations contributes to figure out new possible ways. Spontaneous feelings such as motivation are not strong and consistent enough to keep a fire steady.
Then we shot of course with the film cameras. Léopold brought a manual and some compact film cameras. So now we just waiting to get the rolls developped. Very eager to see them. Might put it on the next magazine first before releasing on my feed.
I’m very happy of how this turned out, BUT……one question I still ask myself to this day is:
How long is it healthy to keep my work from the public eye before I start getting paranoid?
It’s not about whether people will think it’s good or bad, it’s about this kind of impostor syndrome that clings to me, whispering doubts about whether I truly gave my best to the project. Deep down, I know I did. I gave everything I could at that moment.
But still, that question lingers:
Could I have done better if I’d taken more time?
How much time is enough time?
And how much time is too much?
Another one. Brick by brick. Thank you for reading. Love. Blessings.